he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
