So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
