i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
