the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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