yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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