Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
