Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
