On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
