I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
my poor anus
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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