two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
