i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm like, not good at living.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
