I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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