Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
