This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
