I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
