Non-Jews are for practice
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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