bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
