All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
