she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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