I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
