Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
