Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
We have so much sex to catch up on
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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