if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
