Don't make out with my wife yet
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Randomize
