i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
