can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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