Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
