I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
