i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
