at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
