There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
