He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
