You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
