why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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