You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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