ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
