He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
