would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
