You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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