Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
