I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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