I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
