just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
