ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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