At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
