she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Let's paint friendship bongs
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
