He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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