I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
