You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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