sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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